You might have noticed that I’ve been slacking-off considerably on my blog-writing responsibilities these past few months. I’ve been tardy, negligent, and lax to the point where you, my dear readers, may think I’ve lost interest completely or taken to another flight of fancy. Well, it’s time to confess.
I finally did what I had to do. It has been a long time coming! I should have done this sooner, but I suppose “back then” just wasn’t the right time. Something was always getting in the way, quite honestly. Too many responsibilities at home, too many responsibilities at work, too many responsibilities in general!
One day I woke up and realized that responsibilities don’t ever go away. It’s time to take a moment for me and do what I’ve been meaning to do for quite some time. Time to stop being afraid. Time to take a risk. I’ve enrolled in culinary school, and I started attending classes at the Institute for Culinary Education (ICE) in New York on December 10, 2011. I’m in the weekend program, attending class both Saturday and Sunday from 9–5, which also means a seven day week with no down time between work and class.
Wow. I finally confessed. I’ve been holding this in for quite some time, and with good reason! Any undertaking like this needs to be well thought out in advance. I needed to be sure that I spent enough time driving everyone around me (including the cats) crazy with thoughts of self-doubt and uncertainty. Believe me, I’ve discussed this decision in depth with myself and my family, anguished over this, fretted over it, worried about it, and chewed my nails off over it (usually, all at the same time).
And after all that was done, I spent lots more time having anxiety over this, not sleeping over this, worrying about how to pay for this, concerned over being continually exhausted because of this, and, oh yeah…the possibility of not being up for the challenge. After all, when was the last time I wrote a paper, or took a test?
This has been a process for me. The possibility of this program at ICE becoming a reality for me had swirled around my head for six months prior to beginning. I had to trust my instincts and myself, and start the program with only two people nearest and dearest to my heart knowing. I had to make this my own before telling anyone else about it. I had to get strong in my belief that I could do this, and I had to be sure that I could withstand any potential criticism and not get rattled.
This program is a commitment. The hours are long and a lot is expected here. I’m exhausted, but right now, “here” is where I choose to remain.
The Big Tine